Perhaps loving me is not something one could called easy,
Perhaps loving me is just a chore that even God can’t fulfilled,
Perhaps loving me is irrational in itself.
But I long to love something.
Like the crinkle in your eyes while you smile,
Like your mouth when you humming a wrong note to a song,
Like your cheeks that always have the pinkish hue every time you laugh,
Like your wonderful hands and how you draw something so effortlessly magnificent—I know you don’t do effortlessly because your name means determination to me.
Maybe somewhere along the way, when I’d acknowledge this weird affair of my heart, I start noticing that you were the closest thing I’ve known to magic.
And those thoughts scare me.
For I know that you are worthy of something bigger than my soul, and I know that my flesh will not give you the warmth as brilliant as your eyes—I know that my vast ocean of love can not give you the love that you deserve.
Would you be my sin even when you knew that someday we would be over and there’s nothing left for us except the ashes of our love? Would you rather try, or would you tolerate my cowardice for not reaching you when I know that your face is the one that haunts every of my dreams?
Forgive me, love; for not having an ounce of guts to say it straight to your face.
I’m scared that even if there is a path for us, that I’ll be giving you too much of a task of loving me cause I know that there is nothing easy in me.
Perhaps later,
When I know that my love won’t hurt you and tarnish your fire,
When I know that my heart won’t make life harder for you,
When my lungs won’t drown you and take you down in my sorrow,
When I don’t have to constantly ask if there is a place for us here.
Perhaps in another life, in a perfect world where that could be us, I’ll try to be braver, to be someone who is worthy of your heart.
Ditulis oleh Farras Nailatusy Khairin Nisa
Diedit oleh Diandra Wafiyatunnisa
Didesain oleh Naraya Raissa Aqila
